Why Work Out

I have never been a person who enjoys exercise.  I like to go for walks, especially if I get to soak in the beauty God made in this world.   I like to be in the pool, floating on an air mattress with a good book.  I prefer a game of Scrabble or Yahtzee to an athletic competition; although I have had a good time with tennis when I was younger.  I enjoy good food; both preparing it and consuming it.  I have had the pleasure of giving birth 7 times along with the extra padding that comes along with pregnancy.  It isn't a big surprise to find myself in my mid-40's overweight and out of shape.  What is astonishing me; however, is how hard I am having to work for little to no results in doing anything about it.


I have been blessed with genetics that allow me to carry more weight that it appears to most people.  These same genetics have produced many a round belly in my family  tree.  As the numbers on the scale crept up little by little over the years, I didn't like it, but I didn't worry about it.  I didn't (and still don't) want my life to be consumed by keeping track of what I eat, working out, and obsessing over numbers on a scale or clothes tag.  There was a magic number I feared going over - as if it was a land of no return.  With my 2nd to last pregnancy I pushed that envelope.  True to my fears - or perhaps because of them - it has turned into a line in the sand.  I have worked my way close to it, but have never gotten back under it.  


Currently I am 15 pounds over that line, and 65 pounds over a healthy weight, 70-75 pounds over what I would prefer.  My waistline is non-existent.  I have a very difficult time finding clothes to fit.   I am, in truth, obese.  I lack energy.  I am so unhappy with the way I look.  I am discouraged and frustrated.  I know people that never exercise, eat whatever they feel like, and are blessed with genes that leave them thin and full of energy.  I am jealous.


At the beginning of 2011 I started to really watch what I ate, and workout regularly.  Over the course of about 6 weeks I lost about 7 pounds, bringing me within 5 pounds of the magic number.    Life happened, I stopped working at it so hard, and I found myself having those 7 back plus 3 or 4.  


About 6 weeks ago I started the Couch to 5K program.  I have not stuck with it exactly as prescribed, but I have been getting out there and walking/running several times a week.  I have worked harder than ever before at physical exercise.  The result?  Nothing.   The number on the scale is still shocking.  I am still ABOVE what I was in January.  I don't feel like I am gaining any speed.  I do think I must be stronger, but I am discouraged as can be.


I do not want my life to revolve around my weight or my looks.  I have more important things to do.  Spending an hour a day on fitness is very frustrating to me if there is going to be no result.  I have decided to give in one more month.  As of this week, I am changing my training.  Instead of 3-4 thirty to fifty minutes workouts concentrating on increasing speed, I am planning to complete 6 workouts of at least 45 minutes.  Only 3 of them will be focused on running, and the other 3 will be pursuing fat burning.  I will go back to MyFitnessPal.com and log my food intake.  


If, by July 31, I have not made progress I am just going to accept that this is the body God gave me and apparently I am going to be fat.  I know I need to define the progress.  I want to say if I am not under the "magic number" but that would be 16 pounds.    I know that isn't reasonable in 5 weeks.    I am going to settle on 7 pounds, even though still being 8 pounds above that number after all those weeks will be discouraging.  I can't continue to put so much time and effort into something that isn't working for me.  I don't want to do drops, pills, etc. as they just don't seem like healthy alternatives.  In the meantime, I will try to persevere with a good attitude.  It is getting harder by the day.