A Sandpaper Kind of Day

There are so many times that while in the midst of life, times when I am purposefully attempting to serve God, my wicked heart rears its ugly head and I cringe at how easy it is to sin.  I mean seriously, I am doing spiritual things, working hard for the Lord, making a difference, and BAM my flesh rises up and to my utter sadness and humiliation shows itself for all to see.  It would be so much safer to simply keep to myself.  I could manage to breeze in and out of Sunday worship service and no one would likely the be wiser. With my church mask on I could continue with my pet sins, you know the ones, that my family knows about but I can mostly hide from everyone else safely hidden away.

But God is not content to leave me in alone with my sin.  He calls me to not neglect meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near (Hebrews 10:25).  I could operate under the assumption that going to Sunday morning service fulfills that mandate.  However, it is in the trenches, as I serve alongside and live life with my brothers and sisters, that real encouragement and real growth occurs.  If my sin habits are never exposed, how can Proverbs 27:17 happen?  As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. 

There are times when I am bumped and the ugly spills out.  When I’m tired, or under pressure, or overwhelmed, or have a headache, or just plain selfish that ick that the Holy Spirit is working on with me can become visible.  For me, perfectionist Type A, keep all the plates spinning and balls juggling me, that sin is a tendency to be sharp and abrasive instead of soft and gentle.  I hurt people.  Oh, not on purpose, never on purpose.  Nevertheless, my take charge motor gets going and I charge on and I say things I later realize are just plain rude and unkind in tone and/or in content.  Sometimes I can see it myself, and sometimes I am completely oblivious.

Why would I write a post about this?  Am I so eager to share my own sin with the world?  No way!  I would like nothing more than to pretend it didn't exist.  Refusing to deal with the hurt I may have caused others or the shame and embarrassment of behaving in ways that hurt my testimony would be the easy thing to do. Simply avoid anyone who may have seen my dark side, now there’s a plan my flesh would like! It doesn’t like to be pruned or refined or sanded.  It feels icky at the time.  Really icky.

I am so thankful that my fellowship, my koinonia, offers me the opportunity to be sharpened.  I am grateful for sisters who do the hard thing, and speak the truth in love.  That is what we are supposed to be about, dear women.  I don’t know what your sin struggle is, but I know you have one (or like me, many!)  Maybe you have a soft and gentle tone and would absolutely never snap or be short.  If so, thank  the Lord for making you that way, or working through that with you.  Whatever your own temptation may be, when others see it, despite the extreme discomfort it brings, they can be used as the Holy Spirit refines you.  We must not neglect meeting together, nor sharpening one another, no speaking the truth in love and encouraging each other.  We must choose to lavish forgiveness on each other .  Not fakey “it’s OK forgiveness” because we think we have to say it.  What a rich treasure we have indeed when we can walk out our faith and our struggles in front of each other with love and accountability and forgiveness.  When it comes to sinners, I am the worst.  I am agonized by that knowledge.  I am, however, blessed beyond measure by my Lord and my sisters.

What's The Big Deal About Lent, Anyway?

It seems as if the Christmas decorations have just been put away (or not, but that's another post), and the Lenten season is already upon us.  Growing up non-practicing Catholic turned forced to church as a teen Catholic turned Christ follower by choice and currently belonging to a Southern Baptist church I really do not know a lot about this special time observed by many Christians in preparation for celebrating the Resurrection.  I do know that I have been very concerned about the amount of time and energy our family puts into celebrating Christmas compared to Easter, and I have not really known a good way to rectify it.  This year I am determined to change that, not only for myself but for my children.  So I've been doing some research.

It seems that most of my church friends of today look at Lent as a weird Catholic thing.  I wondered if there was something I could gain spiritually from it, though.  This past December our family celebrated Advent for the first time.  We were truly blessed by it, and I believe the time we spent each day with our focus on preparing our hearts was the very best part of our celebration.  A dear friend loaned us a copy of a fabulous resource: "Jotham's Journey" by Arnold Ytreeide.  This devotion/story is something I cannot say enough good things about.  You simply MUST check it out.  This is a post about Lent, and so I'm going to restrain myself from going into any more detail about that book, the first of a series of three.  You can read about it for yourself here: http://www.jothamsjourney.com/  I really hope you do. 

This author has written another book, "Amon's Adventure A Family Story for Easter" that I cannot wait to dive into.  It is designed to be used during the Lenten season in much the same way as the Jotham books are used at Advent.  There are twenty-eight chapters or readings that you can decide how and when to use.  With 40 days of Lent (that are actually 46 days) you have some flexibility to choose how to fit it in with your family schedule.   I know, I totally sound like a commercial.  That's OK - I'm not getting paid for it, I really am pumped and excited to start this book.  

Backing up a bit, you may still be wondering what Lent is, and why I might want to participate in it.  We all have seen the focus on fish sandwiches at all the fast food restaurants on Fridays this time of year, not to mention the fish fry frenzy that happens at the Catholic churches.  You may have heard about "giving something up", and laughed as I have what some of the "sacrifices" were.  In the beginning pages of "Amon's Adventure" is the best explanation I have come across.  Rather than try and rewrite is I am going to share Mr. Ytreeide's excellent thoughts.  The credit goes completely to him, with the exception of Scripture quotes.

Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love .
                                                                                   Joel 2:13

Mr. Ytreeide shares: "Rend your heart.  If a better definition of Lent exists, I don't know what it could be.  The tradition of Lent reaches back to the fourth century A.D.  New converts were baptized on Easter Sunday in those days, and Lent was the official time of preparation for that act of faith.  So, originally, Lent was intended to lead to baptism.

For most Christians today, Lent is more a time of spiritual renewal.  In many churches the focus is still on penance and repentance - of recognizing our own tendencies to sin - but is can also mean any time of concentrated searching for a deeper relationship with God.

The season of Lent is said to last forty days, though if you look at a calendar it actually spans more than that. And in fact, even today, various traditions count the days differently.  In general, though, the forty days of Lent begin on the seventh Wednesday before Easter and run up to Maundy Thursday (the day before Good Friday), without counting any of the Sundays in between. "

So, Lent is a time of preparation for Easter, as I understand it in much the same way as Advent is a time of preparation for Christmas.  The dates aren't particularly important.  Lent is a tradition and not a biblical mandate.  But as Mr. Ytreeide states so well, "In a world that makes it difficult to focus on God and seek him with determination, Lent, like Advent, is a natural and obvious time for such a quest."

With regards to the idea of "giving something up", I personally believe it CAN be useful.  For example if I choose to give up 15 minutes of sleep to choose to spend some extra time in the Word or in prayer how can that not move me closer in relationship to Him?  If I forsake soda, with the intent to focus on Jesus and his sacrifice each time those pangs of desire hit me, I believe that can be a spiritual growth experience.  For myself, whatever I decide to do about sacrifice will be a private matter.  I will remind my children that just as we are not to pray "for show", fasting and sacrifice is not for public display.  That is my opinion based on Scripture.

Our family will be setting aside special time to read through the "Amon" book.  At Advent we lit candles, and I'd like to add that in to our Lenten celebration as well,  Instead of a wreath with multiple candles I plan to put a spring pillar candle in a special holder we keep on our coffee table.  When Good Friday comes around, we will reflect on our own sin, that which Jesus chose to pay the price for.  If I can find a black pillar candle I will replace the spring color with it for that evening.  I will leave the holder empty on Saturday, and have a pure white or possibly a gold candle for Resurrection Sunday.

As I have kept my eyes open on Pinterest for Easter ideas, this blog post caught my eye: http://impressyourkids.org/a-sense-of-the-resurrection/ 
The 10 activities each involve one of the 5 senses and they look like something my children would learn from.  This was an interesting blog post about a "sacrifice jar":  http://threesidedwheel.wordpress.com/2011/04/06/celebrating-lent-the-bean-jar/  I am sure there are many great ideas out there -please feel free to comment if you have or run across them!

My goal with this post was not to give an exhaustive commentary on Lent, but to iron out my own thoughts and perhaps motivate someone else to consider spending some intentional time preparing for celebrating the Resurrection.  

Sunday Evening Standouts

Here I am, poised at the brink of a new school year, a new week, a new adventure.  I was just thinking about all the things from the week that blessed me.  It was too long a list for a facebook post, yes even one of mine.  I decided I should begin blogging these things every week as an intentional way of being grateful.  So here goes:

1.  We enjoyed a wonderful long visit this week from my daughter and grandbaby, with a bit of time with my son-in-law at the end.  It is such a joy as a mom to see your adult child walking with the Lord, choosing an excellent spouse, being a wonderful Mama.  I love to hear her talk about the ministries God has put on her heart and what she might jump into.  I love to see my sweet baby smile for Mimi.  I love that my son-in-law is a man of integrity, honor, and faith.  I'm excited for some possibilities in their hopefully near future!!

2.  As part of that visit we had our first homeschool field trip of the year.  We explored the botanical gardens, had lunch at a famous local landmark, and toured a chocolate factory.  Enough said.  (Well, some of the kiddos may have expected something a little more Willy Wonka from the tour, but samples made it all OK).

3. The Lord has called me back to a ministry that is dear to my heart and although my place there is a little vague, it seems to be getting clearer.  It is so good to be doing things for His Kingdom.  Even if my involvement is minimal, if it blesses other and points people to Jesus it is well worth my time.

4.  I tentatively am considering a new commitment.  It is scary.  I don't know that I am good enough to do it. But the challenge is a blessing, too.

5.  I have a dear friend who never fails to point me in the right direction, and doesn't hesitate to speak the truth in love.  Such a blessing!!!

6.  My husband and two of my teen sons were involved this summer in a drama series based on the Dukes of Hazzard characters, tweaked and adapted.  I loved watching them do their thing.   My husband got to be a "Lead Worshiper" which stretched him and he did very well.  I'm proud of them all.  The whole production from writer/director to actors, sets, lights, audio was first class.  Kudos to all.

7. I am loving reading the blogs of my adult daughter's friends from high school and college.  These young ladies, all roughly 25-27 have such a passion for the Lord and their families.  I am so impressed.  I don't know if it was Christian school (be it elementary, high school, or college), or their families, or just something God put within them, but truly these young ladies have much to teach me.  What a joy to see those in the next generation whom can be counted on to have wisdom and faith.  Beautiful girls, absolutely gloriously beautiful.  I truly believe her class in high school was special.  They will do big things.  Her college friends are wonderful, too.    You should totally check out  ablossominghomestead@blogspot.com, http://laundryeveryday.blogspot.com/ and http://liferenovated.org/!

8.  In the morning we officially start our homeschool year.  Even though I didn't get everything planned to a T, we are ready to go and I am confident we will have a fantastic day.  It is a blessing that I have the basic organization done and a good start on the rest, and I love our curriculum choices.

9.  Rain - it was looking so green as we pulled down the driveway this evening!

10.  I tried my hand at both riding a motorcycle all alone and milking a goat - two new things in 7 days.  I may not have been great at either, but I tried.  Woo Hoo!!!  Now there's another new thing coming up I am much more frightened of.  That will be a whole other post, however.  I know some folks who will be so happy when they find out about it.

Until next time, enjoy the adventure!!

Chick-Fil-A, Name Calling, and Reason

There are times when I am truly baffled by controversies that seem to be the proverbial molehills turned into mountains.  Perhaps I'm just a simple-minded gal.  This whole Chick-Fil-A "controversy" is one of those times.

As I understand it, Dan Cathy, son of Chick-Fil-A's founder and the current CEO, expressed in response to an interviewer his support for "traditional family values". Specifically, it was brought up that there are those who oppose Chick-Fil-A's support of the traditional family.  Cathy's response?  "Well, Guilty as charged..."

We are very much supportive of the family--the biblical definition of the family unit.  We are a family owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives.  We give God thanks for that."

As I further understand the situation, these comments ignited a firestorm of hatred, and the mayors of Boston, Chicago, and San Francisco declared Chick-Fil-A not welcome in their cities.  Really?  This is completely stunning to me.  There are those people, stirred up into an angry mob, who are asking folks to boycott this restaurant and throwing around words like bigot, discrimination, and hate.  I simply don't understand.

I have read no article where Chick-Fil-A discriminated against a customer or employee.  I have never been in a CFA restaurant and witness acts of hatred, bigotry, or discrimination.  In fact, their customer service has been, in my experience, some of the very best in the industry.  I do not see Dan Cathy expressing any "anti" views towards any group.  He simply expressed his support for traditional family values.  Have we really come to the place in the United States of America that believing in such values makes one a bigot?  Guilty of discrimination, hate, and to  have your rights to grow your business infringed on?  I have no idea if CFA has or had plans to expand into the cities whose mayors spoke for their populations to declare CFA unwelcome, not because they broke a law, but because they expressed a viewpoint.  What happened to the Constitutional right to free speech?  

OK, that's all the "big idea" talk.  Here's the nitty gritty rubber meets the road for me personally.  I am a Bible believing Christ follower.  I know in some folk's minds that makes me a right wing nutcase.  I believe in traditional family values in that they reflect Biblical values.  I am not a perfect person, as such a thing does not exist.  I am a sinner whom God chose to redeem.  My sin is probably different than your sin.  But believe me I am guilty of breaking God's divine laws.

I would not call myself a bigot.  I do not hate any group.  I do not hold one sin above another in severity.  For example, I was an unwed mother at age 18.  God calls my sin fornication, and I am guilty as charged.  He does not forbid it to keep me from delight, but from suffering.  There are many other specific things God calls sin:  lying, adultery, homosexuality, pride, gluttony, etc.  The Bible is clear that ALL sin.  That means that each of us have violated at least one if not many of His commands, either in thought, word, or deed.  Should I hate the whole world?  Never.

My support of Biblical values is NOT synonymous for hatred of anyone, including those who are part of the gay/lesbian community. I am not so naive as to believe that all who call themselves Christians are like me.  I have heard shameful speech from those who should know better.  This is sin as well.  While I believe God says homosexual behavior is prohibited I absolutely can love and have friends within that community.  I  believe fornication and adultery are wrong according to God. I love and have friends who have been involved in these things as well.  If I were to refuse to associate with or hate every sinner, I would need to cut myself off from the world, including my own self.

I have had family members in homosexual relationships bring their friends to my home.  There is a man I went to high school with who I greatly admire for his kindness, who I would absolutely trust to care for my children, who continues in a long term homosexual commitment.  I do not agree with his choice.  I do not believe it makes him a monster.  

There is a young man who is often in my home who will be a teenage father soon.  I do not agree with his choice (fornication).  I do not believe it made him unfit to associate with our family.  I hope that I can be of some encouragement to him, in fact, as this is a sin I am sadly personally acquainted with.

There are members of my family who have struggled with addictions and alcohol.  I do not agree with their choices, and I do hold these things to be sinful choices and not simply "illnesses".   Despite their sin, I don't hold myself above them in any way.

In each of these examples I would not allow the behavior to go on IN my home, let me be clear about that.  My relationships with these people, however, are not focused on these issues but on friendship, love, and respect for another human being.  I think it is important to share the truth (which to me is God's truth) in love with other, but in my day to day life that sharing needs to be relationship based.  I am not called to go around bashing anyone over the head with my Bible.  

In conclusion, I did attend the Chick-Fil-A appreciation day.  I wanted to show my support for a company whose values I share, whom I believe has been the victim of a media attack.  I KNOW that I could head down to my local restaurant on any given day with any of the folks I mentioned in this blog and we would all be treated with respect, courtesy, and have a great meal.  I love that they are closed on Sundays.  I love that in America I am free to patronize this business, or simply go somewhere else.  I do not want to see that freedom disappear.   I find it very odd that the very groups who accuse others of bigotry, hatred, and intolerance are those that are guilty of those things themselves.  

That's my 2 cents.  Standing for what I think is right, that is today's adventure...

The Lies We Believe

There are many phrases in our culture that have been repeated so often we assume their truth.  Sometimes we are even convinced they are part of Scripture, even if the reference eludes us.  We put stock in these words, draw comfort from them, and often do not realize that they are deceptive, partial truths or blatant lies that in fact pull us away from faith, trust, and dependence on God.

They are numerous, these sneaky little lies that we believe.  "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
Oh really?  It has been my experience that the Lord allows many things to come into my life that I can't handle.  Things that He and only He can "handle" when I turn them over to Him.  The more I try to handle them, the worse the situation often becomes.

What about "God helps those who help themselves"?  It sounds good at first.  After all, we know that we can't just sit around waiting for the Lord to do it all for us.  He sure isn't going to wash my dishes or scrub my floors.  That being said, in all the things that really matter, I can't do a thing to help myself.  All my good works are as filthy rags, I can do no good thing in my own power.  God helps me because He loves me and wants to, not because of my own inadequate efforts.

In this present age, more than any other time in history, society believes "You can do anything you put your mind to."  Right along with this goes "If you don't like your life (or your car, your job your _____ fill in the blank) change it!!"  I have not struggled much with the first one.  I know that no matter how hard I would try I am never ever going to be a world class gymnast, or the President of the United States.  It's just not going to happen.  The second, however, is a lie I only today am beginning to see that I have bought into hook, line, and sinker - and it is robbing me of my peace and joy.

Again, on the surface, it sounds like a wise proverb.  After all, we should do all we can to have the best life possible, right?!?  But the truth be told, even in the great United States of America, I cannot change every part of my life I may find unpleasant.  I am not in control of all things.  As shocking as that is in and of itself, there is an even deeper truth.  Some of the very things that I like the least and want to change as fast as possible are allowed in my life by my Lord to refine me and to bring Him glory.

I am just beginning to realize how much frustration I have brought on myself as I have tried over the years to force my life into the mold that I thought was ideal.  The picture I had in mind was noble.  My dreams were good dreams.  The trouble is that that plans God has for me require some circumstances that I don't really like.  The more I have believed that all I had to do was make changes the more I have chafed against the very things He was allowing with the intent of shaping me into who He created me to be.  To be completely transparent, that's some truth that I'm going to have to swallow slowly.  I don't like it very much, at least not at first.  In fact, I feel a little like a two year old on the verge of a tantrum:  I want what I wanted and I'm not sure  something else is going to be OK with me.  But wait, that doesn't sound like faith at all.  It doesn't sound like I'm truly trusting that His plan is good, much less best.

It's time for me to grow up.  I can't just change my life to make myself happier.  It seems so absurd now, that I believed I could.  After all, if I had developed Cancer I could not simply will it away.  Nor could I just make difficult changes that would guarantee a life free of it's touch.  I think I must be getting used to this truth, as it is starting to feel like a relief.  After all, if I can't necessarily change things that are out of my control, I can stop trying so hard.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I am starting to understand that in a brand new way.  My Father knows my every circumstance and my every need.  He knows me better than I know myself, those deep motives of my heart that still incline toward evil so much of the time.  He loves me.  Not the me I can be and may be someday, but the me that I am right now, today.

I'm a pretty slow learner sometimes.  Who am I kidding, when it comes to things that matter I need lots and lots of review lest I forget the lesson I just learned.  I'm so thankful that He doesn't give up on me and is a patient instructor.  I grateful, too, that He has blessed me with others along the way who encourage and explain and walk a while with me on the road.  It's still an adventure!

A True Story

This blog is way too serious.  Not that I get around to writing very often.  Maybe it needs a light and humorous post to get me in the mood to be more consistent.  My currently super-glue stained fingers will give it a try.

One of my magi had a broken hand, and it was the one holding his gift.  This would never do - standing near my manger scene gazing at the baby Jesus with no present.  Yes, I know the magi did not visit the manger, but let's not quibble over details at this point.  Usually my husband is the fixer around here.  I am more often the breaker.  This morning however, I decided to give it a whirl.  I got the super glue out of the drawer, wrestled the cap off, and stared at the almost invisible liquid within.  As I held on to the wise man, his hand, and the glue, I carefully let a drop or two fall onto his severed wrist.  I quickly and deftly attempted to put the glue down and pick up the hand.  I felt liquid flowing onto my thumb and finger and knew this was not good.  Frantically thrusting the hand towards his arm I attempted to continue my surgery.  The hand fell.  As I felt my left hand's digits sticking together and saw a little film of gold left by  my visitor from the east, I tried again.  I succeeded in getting the glue on the kitchen counter this time, as well as the thumb and forefinger of my right hand.  I tenderly laid the little man on his back and hoped his hand would stay attached as I went off in search of nail polish remover.

As I entered the bathroom I glanced in the mirror and thought, "Hmm, my hair doesn't look half bad today.  If I don't look at the brassy haircolor I got by trying yet another job myself best left to professionals."  This was indeed a rare occasion, a good hair day.  I glanced as well at my cream sweater, brown pants, and chunky brown necklace and was a little amazed at how put together I was for a day at home cleaning up after an army of children and doing paperwork.  I digress, but my vanity was about to be the pride that went before my fall.

I grabbed my brand new bottle of remover, so happy I had finally remembered to get some yesterday so I could remove the lime green polish accented with red polka dots I had festively (and regrettably) decided on for my in-law's tree trimming party..  I moistened a tissue and got to work on my fingers.  Nothing, nada, zilch, they were just as coated as before.  I wondered if the remover was non-acetone, and decided to take a look at the label.  In a stunning maneuver, I turned the bottle and simultaneously dropped it into the sink.  In the process the blue liquid rushed from it's captivity in the bottle to land all over my cream sweater - that is the part that didn't rush down the drain, leaving me with about 1/3 of a bottle of the magic liquid.  My fingers are still coated in glue.  My lovely sweater will never be the same.  My toes are still wearing their way too young for me polish.

The only bright spots in my adventure are that the magi's hand and gift appear to be securely attached to his arm, my bathroom sink is VERY clean, and instead of getting busy going through mail and bills I am sitting here blogging, with a piece for chocolate cake to soothe my jagged nerves.  I had to leave the MyFitnessPal website in order to come over to my blog.  I think that means the cake doesn't count.  :-)

Why Work Out

I have never been a person who enjoys exercise.  I like to go for walks, especially if I get to soak in the beauty God made in this world.   I like to be in the pool, floating on an air mattress with a good book.  I prefer a game of Scrabble or Yahtzee to an athletic competition; although I have had a good time with tennis when I was younger.  I enjoy good food; both preparing it and consuming it.  I have had the pleasure of giving birth 7 times along with the extra padding that comes along with pregnancy.  It isn't a big surprise to find myself in my mid-40's overweight and out of shape.  What is astonishing me; however, is how hard I am having to work for little to no results in doing anything about it.


I have been blessed with genetics that allow me to carry more weight that it appears to most people.  These same genetics have produced many a round belly in my family  tree.  As the numbers on the scale crept up little by little over the years, I didn't like it, but I didn't worry about it.  I didn't (and still don't) want my life to be consumed by keeping track of what I eat, working out, and obsessing over numbers on a scale or clothes tag.  There was a magic number I feared going over - as if it was a land of no return.  With my 2nd to last pregnancy I pushed that envelope.  True to my fears - or perhaps because of them - it has turned into a line in the sand.  I have worked my way close to it, but have never gotten back under it.  


Currently I am 15 pounds over that line, and 65 pounds over a healthy weight, 70-75 pounds over what I would prefer.  My waistline is non-existent.  I have a very difficult time finding clothes to fit.   I am, in truth, obese.  I lack energy.  I am so unhappy with the way I look.  I am discouraged and frustrated.  I know people that never exercise, eat whatever they feel like, and are blessed with genes that leave them thin and full of energy.  I am jealous.


At the beginning of 2011 I started to really watch what I ate, and workout regularly.  Over the course of about 6 weeks I lost about 7 pounds, bringing me within 5 pounds of the magic number.    Life happened, I stopped working at it so hard, and I found myself having those 7 back plus 3 or 4.  


About 6 weeks ago I started the Couch to 5K program.  I have not stuck with it exactly as prescribed, but I have been getting out there and walking/running several times a week.  I have worked harder than ever before at physical exercise.  The result?  Nothing.   The number on the scale is still shocking.  I am still ABOVE what I was in January.  I don't feel like I am gaining any speed.  I do think I must be stronger, but I am discouraged as can be.


I do not want my life to revolve around my weight or my looks.  I have more important things to do.  Spending an hour a day on fitness is very frustrating to me if there is going to be no result.  I have decided to give in one more month.  As of this week, I am changing my training.  Instead of 3-4 thirty to fifty minutes workouts concentrating on increasing speed, I am planning to complete 6 workouts of at least 45 minutes.  Only 3 of them will be focused on running, and the other 3 will be pursuing fat burning.  I will go back to MyFitnessPal.com and log my food intake.  


If, by July 31, I have not made progress I am just going to accept that this is the body God gave me and apparently I am going to be fat.  I know I need to define the progress.  I want to say if I am not under the "magic number" but that would be 16 pounds.    I know that isn't reasonable in 5 weeks.    I am going to settle on 7 pounds, even though still being 8 pounds above that number after all those weeks will be discouraging.  I can't continue to put so much time and effort into something that isn't working for me.  I don't want to do drops, pills, etc. as they just don't seem like healthy alternatives.  In the meantime, I will try to persevere with a good attitude.  It is getting harder by the day.