Well, I caved to temptation and did what I said I wasn't going to do. I wish I hadn't. I can't take it back now, however. I got the scale out "just to see". Well, I saw. One little pound. As is typical, I put in the effort for virtually no result. I realize it has only been a week and a half. That being said, it is my understanding in most people with a lot of excess weight to loose it is not unusual to get rid of 5-10 pounds the first week. After all, I went from never exercising, to 6 "sessions" of at least 1 1/2 miles each. I was careful most days about eating. I didn't drink soda, or juice, etc.
I'm left to wonder, is it worth it to me to try and change my body? I'm not talking the "getting healthy" part, There is no debate on the merits of eating healthy foods and exercising. I'm saying, should I just accept that this is the size I am, predetermined by God and my DNA - just look at much of my family. We are solidly put together, built for work. In a different culture/era would my size have been just fine? Am I wanting to be something that just isn't realistic for me?
Am I going to find joy analizing every bite I put in my mouth, choking down shakes, working out until I'm drenched, and looking exactly the same at the end of the day? Does the God of the universe, who knows my name and sent His son to pay the price for my sin that I might have a relationship with Him, serve Him, glorify Him want me to spend so much mental and physical energy on my looks (under the "nice" label of health)? These are the issues I am going to seriously ponder the rest of the month.
I will finish November with this focus, as I need to work on being a finisher. This is a part of my character that needs work. I am just not sure about continuing after that with the intention of changing my body shape and size. What do you think about body image?
D
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Discouraged
I am really tired of feeling sabotaged by by own family. This "fight" to change to healthy habits is hard enough just fighting my own desires, without having to deal with battles with my household. Whether it is a husband who wants to bring home chocolate cheesecake, a date night with movie popcorn and multiple boxes of candy purchased for dinner, a son who takes the "fitness water" from the fridge, or kids who cannot simply follow their morning routines (The same ones required EVERY morning) while I am on the treadmill for a measley 30 minutes) and a husband who picks that very time to head out and run an errand (for me, I know) - I am very discouraged.
I realize this will sound whiny. I could quote much scripture to remind myself of the proper attitude, perseverance, etc. Right now it all "feels" like blah blah blah to me. I am just being honest. It seems like over the years whenever I have tried to make a change in this area my home becomes the biggest battle zone. I REALLY don't want to spend the holidays frustrated and upset with my family. Why does this happen? It is not helpful for anyone to eye my dinner plate and aske me, eyebrows raised, if that is a palm sized portion. It WOULD be helpful for others to try and avoid bringing junk food around me and perhaps come alongside me and make it easier for me to invest time on exercise. We are supposed to be a team.
So, that's where I am today. Yesterday was so stressful I didn't follow my eating plan at all, didn't exercise with 4 8:00AM dentist appointments, and had movie night for dinner. Maybe I shouldn't share how I'm feeling today, but I am not going to just show the "plastic" shined up for public side of this journey. I'm a real person, with very real struggles and failures. Perseverance is definitely NOT my natural tendancy.
Right now I don't know where I will go with this particular adventure. Having a rough day,
D
I realize this will sound whiny. I could quote much scripture to remind myself of the proper attitude, perseverance, etc. Right now it all "feels" like blah blah blah to me. I am just being honest. It seems like over the years whenever I have tried to make a change in this area my home becomes the biggest battle zone. I REALLY don't want to spend the holidays frustrated and upset with my family. Why does this happen? It is not helpful for anyone to eye my dinner plate and aske me, eyebrows raised, if that is a palm sized portion. It WOULD be helpful for others to try and avoid bringing junk food around me and perhaps come alongside me and make it easier for me to invest time on exercise. We are supposed to be a team.
So, that's where I am today. Yesterday was so stressful I didn't follow my eating plan at all, didn't exercise with 4 8:00AM dentist appointments, and had movie night for dinner. Maybe I shouldn't share how I'm feeling today, but I am not going to just show the "plastic" shined up for public side of this journey. I'm a real person, with very real struggles and failures. Perseverance is definitely NOT my natural tendancy.
Right now I don't know where I will go with this particular adventure. Having a rough day,
D
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Time For Week 2
All in all, I think I had a successful first week of my "health & fitness project". I completed most of the goals. I still have to make an appointment with the doctor, but I did get started on the physician search.
I drank some water every day, not always 2 glasses. I worked out 4 times. I logged enough food to see that although I don't think I am eating excessive amounts, if I want to get to a weight loss plan in the future I will have to be more intentional. 1,200 calories comes pretty easily! I got some good input from friends and have had much food for thought on this topic.
As we are approaching the holidays, it seems like a crazy time of year to focus on this. Most people wait unitl January. I still think it is a good idea for me to make little adjustments, baby steps, and try and form good habits. My nature is to make a big plan and jump in to a huge change, and then crash and burn. I really am trying to take it slow. That being said, I really do want to be healthy and have more energy. I want to go shopping for a new outfit feel like it looks good. You know the feeling - I haven't had it in a long time. I know I won't achieve this without hard work. I am trying hard to balance my desire for change with my knowledge of how I operate. Time for some goals for this week:
___ Make those appointments with the physician and eye doctor
___ Continue with the daily vitamin
___ Continue with the water. Really aim for 3 glasses a day
___ Workout 4 of the next 7 days, at least 30 minutes
___Adopt a specific eating plan for breakfast and lunch this week on days I am home
___Test out the protien shakes, shoot for 1/2 in the morning, 1/2 in the afternoon and see if I notice a
measurable difference in energy levels
___Intentionally spend a mimimum of 15 minutes outside each day that weather permits, getting some sun
which will be good for me and playing with kiddos.
That's it for the next 7 days. I am actually looking forward to working on those things. That is a change. I am also much more relaxed knowing I don't have to THINK about them anymore, I can just live life, incorporating these things into it. While I don't think my body changed any this week, my mind and attitude have. Looking forward to the adventure,
D
I drank some water every day, not always 2 glasses. I worked out 4 times. I logged enough food to see that although I don't think I am eating excessive amounts, if I want to get to a weight loss plan in the future I will have to be more intentional. 1,200 calories comes pretty easily! I got some good input from friends and have had much food for thought on this topic.
As we are approaching the holidays, it seems like a crazy time of year to focus on this. Most people wait unitl January. I still think it is a good idea for me to make little adjustments, baby steps, and try and form good habits. My nature is to make a big plan and jump in to a huge change, and then crash and burn. I really am trying to take it slow. That being said, I really do want to be healthy and have more energy. I want to go shopping for a new outfit feel like it looks good. You know the feeling - I haven't had it in a long time. I know I won't achieve this without hard work. I am trying hard to balance my desire for change with my knowledge of how I operate. Time for some goals for this week:
___ Make those appointments with the physician and eye doctor
___ Continue with the daily vitamin
___ Continue with the water. Really aim for 3 glasses a day
___ Workout 4 of the next 7 days, at least 30 minutes
___Adopt a specific eating plan for breakfast and lunch this week on days I am home
___Test out the protien shakes, shoot for 1/2 in the morning, 1/2 in the afternoon and see if I notice a
measurable difference in energy levels
___Intentionally spend a mimimum of 15 minutes outside each day that weather permits, getting some sun
which will be good for me and playing with kiddos.
That's it for the next 7 days. I am actually looking forward to working on those things. That is a change. I am also much more relaxed knowing I don't have to THINK about them anymore, I can just live life, incorporating these things into it. While I don't think my body changed any this week, my mind and attitude have. Looking forward to the adventure,
D
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Already?
I'm tired of this healthy thing. Already! I haven't even expected that much of myself this week. It "feels" like I am never going to get anywhere! I have worked out twice. I've done the vitamin every day. I've made one doctor's appointment. I have ingested some water, more than normal, but not 2 glasses a day. I've decided that even online, keeping a record of what I eat is a pain, pain, pain!!! Does it sound like I'm having a whiny pity party for one today? Yeah, I guess I am.
I would probably feel better about it all if I would get up and get moving. I'm just tired this morning. It is strange that all week I have felt totally exhuasted. That being said, I woke up at 2:40 something last night and could not fall back asleep. I thought exercise would make me more energetic. The vitamin, too! I think I am fighting a cold, maybe that is the root of my tiredness.
I won't really quit. To be completely honest, if I hadn't "gone public" with it, I probably would. I need to get out of the funk, feeling so "blah". Days of rain and I was fine, and now a week of sunshine and I'm in the pit? No, I'm not going to take this lying down!! I'm going to make a cup of tea, have my quiet time while my IPod charges, do a little morning work, and hit that treadmill. Yesterday I went a little farther in 30 minutes. Today I need to push for 1.75 miles. I'm not sure I can do that in 30, I think I was at about 1.6 yesterday. How about I TRY for 1.75, but so long as it is more than 1.6 I will be satisfied. Then I will get on the phone and make a primary care appointment.
I'll check back in later and record how I did.
Struggling,
D
I would probably feel better about it all if I would get up and get moving. I'm just tired this morning. It is strange that all week I have felt totally exhuasted. That being said, I woke up at 2:40 something last night and could not fall back asleep. I thought exercise would make me more energetic. The vitamin, too! I think I am fighting a cold, maybe that is the root of my tiredness.
I won't really quit. To be completely honest, if I hadn't "gone public" with it, I probably would. I need to get out of the funk, feeling so "blah". Days of rain and I was fine, and now a week of sunshine and I'm in the pit? No, I'm not going to take this lying down!! I'm going to make a cup of tea, have my quiet time while my IPod charges, do a little morning work, and hit that treadmill. Yesterday I went a little farther in 30 minutes. Today I need to push for 1.75 miles. I'm not sure I can do that in 30, I think I was at about 1.6 yesterday. How about I TRY for 1.75, but so long as it is more than 1.6 I will be satisfied. Then I will get on the phone and make a primary care appointment.
I'll check back in later and record how I did.
Struggling,
D
Monday, November 2, 2009
Baby Steps
Two days into this November thing, and so far, so good. I'm checkin' things off the list!! I just finished my first workout of the week, 30 minutes on my lovely "True 500" fancy schmancy treadmill. It informs me that I completed 1.57 miles and burned 242 calories. I have not used it much, sad to say, Typically I only do it for 20 minutes, and shoot for 1 mile. I guess that means I put in 50% more work in 33% more time! I've had a glass of water and a vitamin today as well.
On an unpleasant note, I also did the weigh in and measuring. Ugh. That experience, while it should have motivated me to get started ASAP made me want to crawl back in bed. I have a lot of work to do. The little card with that secret information is stashed away to never be seen by eyes other than mine!!! The scale is packed away too - not to be stepped on again until November 30.
That's my update for today. I'm off to log in my workout at MyFitnessPal.com. It really is a neat website. Have a wonderful day!
D
On an unpleasant note, I also did the weigh in and measuring. Ugh. That experience, while it should have motivated me to get started ASAP made me want to crawl back in bed. I have a lot of work to do. The little card with that secret information is stashed away to never be seen by eyes other than mine!!! The scale is packed away too - not to be stepped on again until November 30.
That's my update for today. I'm off to log in my workout at MyFitnessPal.com. It really is a neat website. Have a wonderful day!
D
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