A few years ago I made a desperate plea to God. "Please, Lord, I need some friends!". I had lots of people whom I could exchange pleasantries with. There were a few ladies I could head to a movie with, or out to dinner. You know the kind of relationships I mean: "How are you doing?" "Oh, fine - and you?" - while the world might be falling down around my ears. This was in my pre-Facebook days, and living out in the semi-country and homeschooling meant my daily contact with adults was frequently pretty minimal.
I was just thinking about those days, and remembering how lonely and depressed I was. I cried out to Him again and again, and in my human foolishness when He didn't appear to answer I sunk all the lower. We humans are like that; we want what we want - and think we need - NOW. Many of us have no patience. I was looking for a phone call that very day, and obvious answer, a miracle. It is only in hindsight that I can see with clarity that He was working; weaving together the very answer I sought, but good things often take time.
Some of the very situations, struggles, and circumstances that led me to my knees to begin with have been instrumental in forming bonds, especially over the last year, that otherwise may never had happened. The painful events that cause the "fine" to turn to truth, the willingness to be transparent before my sisters in Christ, have created lasting bonds and relationships deeper than I could have imagined.
As I have examined what I know about God over the last weeks, answered prayers like that one have come to mind. As I met today with some of my dear friends (the Princess Club), I realized that these ladies KNOW stuff about me. They know lots of stuff, and much of it isn't pretty. Yet, they love me anyway. Some are near to me geographically, and a few are far away, yet I know without a doubt that we are connected for eternity. I have also been tremendously blessed to re-kindle some friendships from my school days, with lovely ladies who never fail to give the gift of laughter. I did not realize how much I had missed laughing until my tummy ached - and now I do it every time we get together. I have also known the joy of seeing decades long friendships with those I see only rarely continue and grow sweeter. As if that was not enough, in 2010 my communications with my oldest and dearest childhood friends (my cousins) have become much more frequent and we are connected again as we have not been in years. How did I miss God's hand at work, giving every good gift, happily granting my request?
As the realization washes over me I am overcome with gratitude and a sense of blessing. I know that I am not alone. God IS with me, and He has graciously brought others into the circle of my life to love and be loved by. Oh, I am rich indeed. In 2011, I want to cherish those friendships. I wonder if there is another out there, lonely like I was. Lord, teach me to be a friend like You. Use me. Who do You want me to befriend?
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
What's a Girl to Do?
As Christmas approaches, thoughts of that special birthday have crowded my mind for the last week or so. As I wrestle with my beliefs, the remembrance of Christ's birth is a perfect place to start. I've been thinking a lot about how we celebrate Christmas. Not the secular world, but we Christians. I've read some challenging blogs and facebook posts over the last few days. I must confess that in many cases our celebrations look exactly like the world's, with some church services and "Jesus" songs thrown in. Is this how it should be?
Before I go on, I need to be honest. It is easy for me to be legalistic. It is in my comfort zone to put myself and God in a neat little box. Here is what is good and right. Here is what is wrong. I am a perfectionist. I agonize over choosing the correct path.
Over the 22 years I have walked with the Lord, I have put a lot of importance on celebrating in a way that would bring Jesus to the forefront. I wanted my children to know without a doubt what Christmas is all about. Our family has many, and I mean many traditions. Some we tried on for a year or two and I just couldn't make them work with children from age 1 to 20. Some we have kept in place for decades. We read the story of Jesus from the book of Luke every Christmas morning. We are intentional about spiritual things. We have researched the origins of traditions. We have limited the gifts in different ways over the years. When it is all said and done, I still have to wonder.
I love the holidays. I will watch all the corny Hallmark movies. I play Christmas music, especially the oldies, until my teenagers are losing their minds. I watch the specials - Rudolph, the Grinch, Charlie Brown. With all this we have never placed a real focus on Santa. We don't ignore the concept completely, we just don't make a big deal of it. The kids don't write letters, or sit on the lap of a mall Santa. We do leave cookies and milk, and there is one gift for each child under 13 wrapped in Santa paper under the tree. I love the decorations, the baking, the projects - the whole kit and caboodle!
A pastor friend asked the question, "What grace-filled traditions does your family have at Christmas?" He went on to explain that while the standard concept is to be good so you deserve a gift, and giving presents to those that love us and bring us joy. The truth is that Jesus came as a gift for us when we are not good, we don't deserve it. I love the question, but I don't have a real answer for it, yet. It seems like this is a perfect time of year to practice extending grace. I want some practical ways to put this thought into action.
Another friend has me thinking again about traditions. Some wonderful links on her blog have caused me to wonder anew about the riches we enjoy every day, and our reluctance to share and get involved with others. Oh, I know many of us write a check, giving our offering. That is a good thing, as far as it goes. That being said, I have really been challenged by our pastor that following Jesus means doing more than that. Where am I personally ministering - outside of the church walls? Am I caring for orphans, widows, prisoners, the downtrodden? Am I willing to go outside of my comfort zone to do for people who may not seem to appreciate it? Will I DO something? Or will I sit back in my insulated "Christian" world, write a check now and again to "do my part" while never really being the hands and feet of Jesus to anyone outside my family and friends? Who am I reaching out to?
As all this swirls around in my mind, I feel such a weight. I'm seeking and searching. It is a good thing. In the meantime, what does a girl like me do for fun? Well, as much as some people might be horrified by the thought, I cook. I absolutely love creating food for others. It is relaxing. It is exciting. Tonight, I made German chocolate cupcakes. We have a family friend who was on my mind, a single man, who loves German chocolate cake. I didn't think one guy needed to eat a whole cake, but wanted to give him a little housewarming gift as he moves into a new home. Making the batter from scratch, deciding to add a ganache, toasting the coconut and pecans before making the icing just to give it that extra "yum" factor, all of that is so satisfying. If after all that, someone takes a bite of something I have prepared and has that moment of joy that comes from tasting something fine, I am well pleased. I guess you could say it is the icing on the cake.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Still Looking...
I haven't done such a great job of finding myself. In fact, if the truth be told, every discovery I make seems to lead to more questions. 2010 has been quite a year for our family. We have been blessed with some of the deepest friendships we have ever known. We have walked through a raging storm. We have made a big move, only to have to make another a short time later. We have made a complete, drastic change in the way we are educating our children. It has been a season of being recast - and I'm not sure what we are being made over into.
I have spend the past two decades confident in what I believed. I have made choices and decisions based on a certainty that was unshakable. Yet I find myself today, as we enter into the Christmas season, more unsure than I have ever been. I have so many questions. I have so little certainty and joy. As it has my whole life, music continues to speak to me.
. "I've made it through the year and I did not even collapse. Gotta say," Thank God for that." I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half. I'll fall apart or stay intact. With tired eyes I stumble back to bed. I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread - at least not yet."
Reliant K
Merry Christmas,
Here's to Many More
I have come full circle. The young woman who embraced faith with passion and enthusiasm has found a need to dig deeper. There are many hurts in this life. I am not so foolish that I do not recognize my own struggles pale in comparison to those of most of the world. I live in comfort and ease. I don't know that my mind truly comprehends that there are people in this world who live in conditions I cannot imagine. I am not at all equating my pain or suffering to theirs. I am, however, compelled to explore the depths of things that I have believed.
Am I in the midst of a mid-life crisis? I suppose it is possible. Am I jaded and burned out by the hypocrisy I have seen, in myself, in others, in "Christians"? I am certain that is part of it. Am I in the midst of some sort of spiritual war? I would say yes to that as well. So where does that leave me?
For now, I have a greater need than Finding Myself. What I truly need is to find God. More of Him, a deeper walk, more "real" relationship, a certainty and assured-ness that I once possessed. I do not want an empty life, full of ritual and tradition, yet lacking in vibrancy. If there is one thing I have learned from my husband, it is to be who I am. Yes, people may turn away. Yes, not everyone will be comfortable with transparency. And that is OK.
I am reading "The Case for Faith" right now, and believing that as I seek Him, He will be found.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
The Adventure Continues...
I have spend the past two decades confident in what I believed. I have made choices and decisions based on a certainty that was unshakable. Yet I find myself today, as we enter into the Christmas season, more unsure than I have ever been. I have so many questions. I have so little certainty and joy. As it has my whole life, music continues to speak to me.
. "I've made it through the year and I did not even collapse. Gotta say," Thank God for that." I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half. I'll fall apart or stay intact. With tired eyes I stumble back to bed. I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread - at least not yet."
Reliant K
Merry Christmas,
Here's to Many More
I have come full circle. The young woman who embraced faith with passion and enthusiasm has found a need to dig deeper. There are many hurts in this life. I am not so foolish that I do not recognize my own struggles pale in comparison to those of most of the world. I live in comfort and ease. I don't know that my mind truly comprehends that there are people in this world who live in conditions I cannot imagine. I am not at all equating my pain or suffering to theirs. I am, however, compelled to explore the depths of things that I have believed.
Am I in the midst of a mid-life crisis? I suppose it is possible. Am I jaded and burned out by the hypocrisy I have seen, in myself, in others, in "Christians"? I am certain that is part of it. Am I in the midst of some sort of spiritual war? I would say yes to that as well. So where does that leave me?
For now, I have a greater need than Finding Myself. What I truly need is to find God. More of Him, a deeper walk, more "real" relationship, a certainty and assured-ness that I once possessed. I do not want an empty life, full of ritual and tradition, yet lacking in vibrancy. If there is one thing I have learned from my husband, it is to be who I am. Yes, people may turn away. Yes, not everyone will be comfortable with transparency. And that is OK.
I am reading "The Case for Faith" right now, and believing that as I seek Him, He will be found.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
The Adventure Continues...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Girly-girly Clothing Catastrophe
On Monday a note came home from Kindergarten explaining the class would be reviewing colors over the next few weeks. There was a schedule of what color would be the focus each day, and a request that the kids dress in clothing of the day's hue. No problem! At least until I went downstairs to the girls' room to help Sophie find a red shirt and her denim skirt.
I was stunned to see that once again the clothes I had washed, dried, folded, and sent down in their buckets to be put away in the closet are heaped on the floor. Dirty laundry mixed in with the clean, dress-up items, gymnastics and ballet outfits, all of it strewn about as if a fashion burglar had ransacked the room. I can't say I have never seen anything like this before. Several times over the course of the past 7 or 8 years since the oldest daughter acquired a lower level bedroom this situation has arisen. Once in this condition, it is not possible for the girls to fix it totally on their own. This means I have gone down and sorted, organized, re-vamped, etc, or supervised their efforts again and again. This process is ALWAYS miserable for everyone involved. It has usually been preceded by my attempt to pack the kiddos for a vacation, find an outfit for a special occasion, or the rare total house cleanup. It involved much anger and irritation on my part over their poor stewardship of their possessions. It is a major stressor. It makes me blow my top.
I am trying to figure out where the breakdown in the process/system occurs. I am concluding the problem is with me following up on checking their rooms, and applying reasonable consequences when they choose to not meet expectations. This happens with the downstairs bedrooms in large part because I don't WANT to go down there. It is always a huge mess. Even when it is clean for a week or so it doesn't seem like part of the house, I don't like it down there. Because of this, I have been lazy. It is faulty logic, because avoiding the few minutes downstairs checking ALWAYS results in hours and hours of my time being spent (WASTED) on doing the same work again and again, be it room organization or laundry.
It is time to overcome these bad habits once and for all. There is no reason for any part of our home to be such a mess. This is not some toys out being played with, or a few pieces of lint on the carpet. No, this room looks like it belongs on one of those reality shows. In fact, the ENTIRE lower level, all 2000 plus finished square feet is like that. It robs me of joy. It steals my peace. It makes it impossible for me to practice hospitality (as commanded in the Word) without risk of total humiliation. It is simply unacceptable.
I am tempted to post a picture to illustrate how bad it really is. I can't bring myself to do it, however. I will also be tempted to spin my wheels, not knowing where to start. Do I neglect the maintenance upstairs to focus on the disaster downstairs? I tend to think in "if only's". If only I had two weeks with no kids to really dig in and get it done. If only I had designed the layout different down there. I felt rushed to get the floor plan done for construction. If only I could back build some of the rooms. If only I had the money for new paint, furniture, etc. I can keep going and going until NOTHING is done.
My personality needs a plan, and structure. My next goal on the to-do list is to make a plan for getting the upstairs in reasonable order and getting started on the girls' room. I'm giving myself today to accomplish the plan making. Digging out of this mess is not going to be easy. I would rather avoid it. I want more to be where God wants me to be, and not be in bondage to the mess. I will put one foot in front of the other. I will do it.
I was stunned to see that once again the clothes I had washed, dried, folded, and sent down in their buckets to be put away in the closet are heaped on the floor. Dirty laundry mixed in with the clean, dress-up items, gymnastics and ballet outfits, all of it strewn about as if a fashion burglar had ransacked the room. I can't say I have never seen anything like this before. Several times over the course of the past 7 or 8 years since the oldest daughter acquired a lower level bedroom this situation has arisen. Once in this condition, it is not possible for the girls to fix it totally on their own. This means I have gone down and sorted, organized, re-vamped, etc, or supervised their efforts again and again. This process is ALWAYS miserable for everyone involved. It has usually been preceded by my attempt to pack the kiddos for a vacation, find an outfit for a special occasion, or the rare total house cleanup. It involved much anger and irritation on my part over their poor stewardship of their possessions. It is a major stressor. It makes me blow my top.
I am trying to figure out where the breakdown in the process/system occurs. I am concluding the problem is with me following up on checking their rooms, and applying reasonable consequences when they choose to not meet expectations. This happens with the downstairs bedrooms in large part because I don't WANT to go down there. It is always a huge mess. Even when it is clean for a week or so it doesn't seem like part of the house, I don't like it down there. Because of this, I have been lazy. It is faulty logic, because avoiding the few minutes downstairs checking ALWAYS results in hours and hours of my time being spent (WASTED) on doing the same work again and again, be it room organization or laundry.
It is time to overcome these bad habits once and for all. There is no reason for any part of our home to be such a mess. This is not some toys out being played with, or a few pieces of lint on the carpet. No, this room looks like it belongs on one of those reality shows. In fact, the ENTIRE lower level, all 2000 plus finished square feet is like that. It robs me of joy. It steals my peace. It makes it impossible for me to practice hospitality (as commanded in the Word) without risk of total humiliation. It is simply unacceptable.
I am tempted to post a picture to illustrate how bad it really is. I can't bring myself to do it, however. I will also be tempted to spin my wheels, not knowing where to start. Do I neglect the maintenance upstairs to focus on the disaster downstairs? I tend to think in "if only's". If only I had two weeks with no kids to really dig in and get it done. If only I had designed the layout different down there. I felt rushed to get the floor plan done for construction. If only I could back build some of the rooms. If only I had the money for new paint, furniture, etc. I can keep going and going until NOTHING is done.
My personality needs a plan, and structure. My next goal on the to-do list is to make a plan for getting the upstairs in reasonable order and getting started on the girls' room. I'm giving myself today to accomplish the plan making. Digging out of this mess is not going to be easy. I would rather avoid it. I want more to be where God wants me to be, and not be in bondage to the mess. I will put one foot in front of the other. I will do it.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Clearing Vision
My first morning with *only* one child at home has come to an end. He is resting semi-quietly in his room, and I am left with a few moments to reflect. I'm seeing my life with new eyes lately, as if the smudges are being wiped clean off from glasses. I don't like some things that are coming into focus. I do not accomplish what I would like to in my days, and much of that seems to be my own fault. Some of my friends would be quick to jump in and pat me on the back here. They would remind me I have 7 children at home, and therefore cannot be expected to get a lot done. I have used that very excuse myself. The truth is, if I care to admit it, I can get a lot more done than I do.
I have watched my kids, the ones that struggle with perfectionism or being reluctant to do what they doubt their ability in. Sometimes I have been absolutely certain they CAN do something, but they become so frustrated with the effort that they simply give up and do nothing. This makes me crazy to watch. Sometimes there is a reason for their initial failures. They may have been coming down with a cold the first time they tried long division, or stayed up way too late the night before. They may have failed to listen to the instructions and simply tried to figure it out own their own. They may be giving in to a spirit of laziness, simply not wanting to do anything hard. Once they do put forth some effort and do not succeed, it becomes nearly impossible to get them to try wholeheartedly with a good attitude. Ah ha!
I'm beginning to see how often I do those very same things. In a way I am almost intentionally setting myself up to not accomplish my goals. Why? I have no idea, yet. Perhaps I don't want to raise the bar that high. Perhaps in my perfectionism, when I finally got to the place (the number of lives I am responsible for) that I could not physically do it all, I gave up. Maybe I am nursing some anger with other people's failings and this is a way to have a passive-agressive pity party. I'm not really sure.
The bottom line is that I do have more of some kinds of work than most people who would read these words. I have laundry for 9, cooking for 9, shopping for 9, training and discipling for 7, and cleaning a home we are blessed to have with a lot of space and a lot of bathrooms. Yes, my children can and do help with these things to some degree. The fact is there is still a LOT to be done here. That being said, I am spending too much time not working. I'm just being real here. There are many moments in my day when I am not being productive. I am not saying there is no time for a break, and no necessity for rest. I am saying I simply am not doing something enough of the time when I should be.
Jesus assures me that His yoke is easy and His burden in light. I make a heavy yoke and burden for myself when I fail to do that which I should, and create stress in my own life as a result. Yes, there have been times I could not. Right now, however; I am healthy. There is no reason for me to continue to dabble at my work. How I long for the day when all of the systems will be up and running and I can do what needs doing, and cope with the occasional need to be flexible. It certainly will happen. In the meantime, I have mountains to move. A little at a time. I'm thankful that He has said with faith I can move mountains. He never said all at once (Samantha style). That faith has to be walking hand in hand with action. Faith without works, like a song you can't sing, it's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine :-) (Rich Mullins)
It's time to get up and get this party started.
I have watched my kids, the ones that struggle with perfectionism or being reluctant to do what they doubt their ability in. Sometimes I have been absolutely certain they CAN do something, but they become so frustrated with the effort that they simply give up and do nothing. This makes me crazy to watch. Sometimes there is a reason for their initial failures. They may have been coming down with a cold the first time they tried long division, or stayed up way too late the night before. They may have failed to listen to the instructions and simply tried to figure it out own their own. They may be giving in to a spirit of laziness, simply not wanting to do anything hard. Once they do put forth some effort and do not succeed, it becomes nearly impossible to get them to try wholeheartedly with a good attitude. Ah ha!
I'm beginning to see how often I do those very same things. In a way I am almost intentionally setting myself up to not accomplish my goals. Why? I have no idea, yet. Perhaps I don't want to raise the bar that high. Perhaps in my perfectionism, when I finally got to the place (the number of lives I am responsible for) that I could not physically do it all, I gave up. Maybe I am nursing some anger with other people's failings and this is a way to have a passive-agressive pity party. I'm not really sure.
The bottom line is that I do have more of some kinds of work than most people who would read these words. I have laundry for 9, cooking for 9, shopping for 9, training and discipling for 7, and cleaning a home we are blessed to have with a lot of space and a lot of bathrooms. Yes, my children can and do help with these things to some degree. The fact is there is still a LOT to be done here. That being said, I am spending too much time not working. I'm just being real here. There are many moments in my day when I am not being productive. I am not saying there is no time for a break, and no necessity for rest. I am saying I simply am not doing something enough of the time when I should be.
Jesus assures me that His yoke is easy and His burden in light. I make a heavy yoke and burden for myself when I fail to do that which I should, and create stress in my own life as a result. Yes, there have been times I could not. Right now, however; I am healthy. There is no reason for me to continue to dabble at my work. How I long for the day when all of the systems will be up and running and I can do what needs doing, and cope with the occasional need to be flexible. It certainly will happen. In the meantime, I have mountains to move. A little at a time. I'm thankful that He has said with faith I can move mountains. He never said all at once (Samantha style). That faith has to be walking hand in hand with action. Faith without works, like a song you can't sing, it's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine :-) (Rich Mullins)
It's time to get up and get this party started.
Sleepless
Tomorrow is the first day of school. We explained the new (old) routines, read, prayed, tucked in, and enjoyed a little peace and quiet before going to bed. Here I am, 2 hours later, wide awake! I think I almost have the Christmas Eve feeling; excitement, anticipation, curiosity. You would think I was the one getting on that big yellow bus in the morning!
It will certainly be strange to have all 6 school age kiddos gone for the day. With eleven years of home schooling all, most, or some of them I am not quite sure how I feel, or what I will do with myself! I am missing the comfortable familiarity of pouring over the curriculum catalogs, making lists, and placing the orders. The UPS man hasn't been ringing my doorbell. It is a big change, and I don't do change well. It is going to be an interesting year.
Not that I will lack for things to do. It seems that the years of expanding our family combined with taking care of them, including the schooling, have left many thing undone around here. I'm not sure how the molehills turned into mountains. Maybe it was the every other year pregnancies. I didn't do them well. Each time I started out with high hopes - this time I will NOT be exhausted and sick for months on end. It always worked out the same; with me on the couch, semi-alive, and in a state of DPD (During Pregnancy Depression).
With the baby turning 4 in a month, I suppose the hormones have finally returned to "normal". (Just in time for pre-menopause, I'm predicting!) I am now faced with with re-training in almost every area of my life. My physical body, my mind, my emotions, and my spiritual life all need work, as do my home and my relationships. I will have to fight my natural urges to jump in and just start fixing things as opposed to making the needed changes one step at a time so they can become habits and have a good chance of sticking.
The past year God showed me many things I didn't really want to see. He showed me how much I was living in little boxes that I put myself in (and tried to put Him in, as well). I am more than a little overwhelmed at facing all the messes, both the literal and figurative. I want to wiggle my nose like Samantha and just start fixing stuff. That's not how it works on this adventure though. There is work to the "working it out", and being transformed doesn't happen in an instant, but is a process.
I'm a little bit scared (read totally terrified) that the ones He brought into my life to help me get to the path I need to be on are leaving. Yet I know that fear does not come from God. Ultimately, He is all I need, He is sufficient, He is more than enough. It is time for this baby bird to leave the nest. We were talking with the kids tonight about the lessons they will learn in this new school year. The most important thing any of us can come to know after we choose to follow Christ is how to live a life that pleases God. Yet all the knowledge we can attain is useless if we never put it into practice. What good does it do for me to know how to make a fantastic chocolate cake if I don't ever bake one? Does it benefit me to learn to speak French but never utter a word of it?
I have been given the information. I have the tools. It is time to pick them up, and intentionally enter the training phase. When May comes around, and I am rejoicing at the summer spread before me with all it's freedom and lazy days, I plan to be a different woman than I am today. I want to please my Father in all I do. I want to be refined until His image is reflected in me. I'm not going to just try. I am going to train.
It will certainly be strange to have all 6 school age kiddos gone for the day. With eleven years of home schooling all, most, or some of them I am not quite sure how I feel, or what I will do with myself! I am missing the comfortable familiarity of pouring over the curriculum catalogs, making lists, and placing the orders. The UPS man hasn't been ringing my doorbell. It is a big change, and I don't do change well. It is going to be an interesting year.
Not that I will lack for things to do. It seems that the years of expanding our family combined with taking care of them, including the schooling, have left many thing undone around here. I'm not sure how the molehills turned into mountains. Maybe it was the every other year pregnancies. I didn't do them well. Each time I started out with high hopes - this time I will NOT be exhausted and sick for months on end. It always worked out the same; with me on the couch, semi-alive, and in a state of DPD (During Pregnancy Depression).
With the baby turning 4 in a month, I suppose the hormones have finally returned to "normal". (Just in time for pre-menopause, I'm predicting!) I am now faced with with re-training in almost every area of my life. My physical body, my mind, my emotions, and my spiritual life all need work, as do my home and my relationships. I will have to fight my natural urges to jump in and just start fixing things as opposed to making the needed changes one step at a time so they can become habits and have a good chance of sticking.
The past year God showed me many things I didn't really want to see. He showed me how much I was living in little boxes that I put myself in (and tried to put Him in, as well). I am more than a little overwhelmed at facing all the messes, both the literal and figurative. I want to wiggle my nose like Samantha and just start fixing stuff. That's not how it works on this adventure though. There is work to the "working it out", and being transformed doesn't happen in an instant, but is a process.
I'm a little bit scared (read totally terrified) that the ones He brought into my life to help me get to the path I need to be on are leaving. Yet I know that fear does not come from God. Ultimately, He is all I need, He is sufficient, He is more than enough. It is time for this baby bird to leave the nest. We were talking with the kids tonight about the lessons they will learn in this new school year. The most important thing any of us can come to know after we choose to follow Christ is how to live a life that pleases God. Yet all the knowledge we can attain is useless if we never put it into practice. What good does it do for me to know how to make a fantastic chocolate cake if I don't ever bake one? Does it benefit me to learn to speak French but never utter a word of it?
I have been given the information. I have the tools. It is time to pick them up, and intentionally enter the training phase. When May comes around, and I am rejoicing at the summer spread before me with all it's freedom and lazy days, I plan to be a different woman than I am today. I want to please my Father in all I do. I want to be refined until His image is reflected in me. I'm not going to just try. I am going to train.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Back to School
I love this time of year. It is as much a new beginning in my life as is January. Much life has occurred since I last posted. God had many lessons for me to learn during the last school year. In fact, this stubborn student had to spend some time at the Alternative School. I am so thankful that He doesn't give up on me. I am excited to be moving up to the next grade in the school of life and am looking forward to being able to share here what I am learning. The blog is all set with a new look. Can't you just smell the new crayons, markers, and folders?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January
There's not much to do in our area in the winter. We hardly ever get enough snow to be worthwhile, even though I LOVE. It's usually too cold to do much of anything outside (which I could overcome for snow). I always get the "blahs" - Christmas is over, and there's nothing to "look forward to". It is depressing!
I don't do well with big resolutions about losing weight, reading my Bible through in a year, etc. Remember November? It is true that "this is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's Eve.
From a lack of my persistanc-y, We're less than half as close as I want to be" - thanks ReliantK. I love that song! Despite my hesitancy to make resolutions, I DO want to end 2010 walking closer with the Lord than ever, following Him wherever He may lead. I want better relationships with the people in my life, more order and being on top of the maintenance/cleaning of our home, and to be in a better place with our finances. All of those things won't change a bit because of intention, it takes purposeful steps in the direction I want to go (Principle of the Path - it's a must read!)
I can make lists upon list of worthy steps and goals. I am, in fact, a master list maker! But as my daughter recently pointed out in her splendid blog, what good are plans and lists if we don't DO them? They are nothing but wasted time, effort, and energy. I have been always able to plan more for a said amount of time than any mere human could accomplish, and then give up when I realize I won't get it done. Talk about self defeating strategy. So, in 2010, I am going to do things differently.
For January my goal is to try and define the general goals I have for my relationship with God, with my husband, with my children, my work as a home-maker, my church family, my friendships and extended family, my role in ministry, and my goals and dreams for my own personal stuff (things like writing a book, learning to play piano, losing weight, etc.) That is a huge list right there. I need to evaluate where I am, where I want to be, and what steps I need to take this year to move in the right direction, without making a 90 step plan for total transformation! This will be a huge thing for me.
As I do that we are in the process of seeking a possible new church home. I'm going to be looking hard at my walk with the Lord, and the difference between being a believer and being a disciple. I want to be able to answer truthfully that God is my #1, most important thing. It's easy to say He is. It isn't easy to live like He is. That will be utmost on my list of things to work on, followed closely by the family relationships. We've had some things out of whack around here, and that needs to change.
Now, a girl has to have some fun, too! So, here's my Januray fun Project Adventure. I love to take the kids sledding, pull them with the 4-wheeler. Billy always wants to pull ME, and I say no way. I don't complely trust him not to ditch me in a snowbank. Since it sounds like we are going to get some playing-in snow finally, I am going to take a turn on the sled, too. If that goes well, I would kind of like to try skiing. I have no idea if I would like it. I know I'm terrified of ski lifts. But it looks so FUN. So, we'll start on the sled, and see how it goes.
Have a great January. Fight those winter blahs. Make God, Jesus Christ, your #1. I know that is something no one could ever regret at the end of the year. Blessings!
D
I don't do well with big resolutions about losing weight, reading my Bible through in a year, etc. Remember November? It is true that "this is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's Eve.
From a lack of my persistanc-y, We're less than half as close as I want to be" - thanks ReliantK. I love that song! Despite my hesitancy to make resolutions, I DO want to end 2010 walking closer with the Lord than ever, following Him wherever He may lead. I want better relationships with the people in my life, more order and being on top of the maintenance/cleaning of our home, and to be in a better place with our finances. All of those things won't change a bit because of intention, it takes purposeful steps in the direction I want to go (Principle of the Path - it's a must read!)
I can make lists upon list of worthy steps and goals. I am, in fact, a master list maker! But as my daughter recently pointed out in her splendid blog, what good are plans and lists if we don't DO them? They are nothing but wasted time, effort, and energy. I have been always able to plan more for a said amount of time than any mere human could accomplish, and then give up when I realize I won't get it done. Talk about self defeating strategy. So, in 2010, I am going to do things differently.
For January my goal is to try and define the general goals I have for my relationship with God, with my husband, with my children, my work as a home-maker, my church family, my friendships and extended family, my role in ministry, and my goals and dreams for my own personal stuff (things like writing a book, learning to play piano, losing weight, etc.) That is a huge list right there. I need to evaluate where I am, where I want to be, and what steps I need to take this year to move in the right direction, without making a 90 step plan for total transformation! This will be a huge thing for me.
As I do that we are in the process of seeking a possible new church home. I'm going to be looking hard at my walk with the Lord, and the difference between being a believer and being a disciple. I want to be able to answer truthfully that God is my #1, most important thing. It's easy to say He is. It isn't easy to live like He is. That will be utmost on my list of things to work on, followed closely by the family relationships. We've had some things out of whack around here, and that needs to change.
Now, a girl has to have some fun, too! So, here's my Januray fun Project Adventure. I love to take the kids sledding, pull them with the 4-wheeler. Billy always wants to pull ME, and I say no way. I don't complely trust him not to ditch me in a snowbank. Since it sounds like we are going to get some playing-in snow finally, I am going to take a turn on the sled, too. If that goes well, I would kind of like to try skiing. I have no idea if I would like it. I know I'm terrified of ski lifts. But it looks so FUN. So, we'll start on the sled, and see how it goes.
Have a great January. Fight those winter blahs. Make God, Jesus Christ, your #1. I know that is something no one could ever regret at the end of the year. Blessings!
D
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