Indecision

One of the things that put me on the path to this project was realizing that I seem to have lost the ability to trust my opinions and decisions on simple and complex matters.  At times I think I must be crazy - my husband fondly (I hope) says I'm being a "flip-flop" when I keep changing my mind.  Over and over.  Again and again.

Here we are, needing to renew the phone contract and upgrade our cell phones.  Considering my last "new" phone conked out after about 6 months, and I have run through my old phone, my older phone, and I think another one for good measure, I am READY for a new phone.  We don't do the phone/internet thing, so how hard could it be to find a basic phone? 

I researched online.  I went to the AT&T store and tried them out.  I asked for opinions from my friends and family.  It was time to make the decision.  What did I do?  I narrowed it down to 2 choices, and then told my honey to pick for me.  So he did.  He picked one of the two for me, and the other for himself.  This is making me very unhappy.

You see, the root cause of my indecision is a fear that I might not make the "best" choice.  Whether it be what restaurant I eat dinner at, a new sofa, how to educate our kiddos, or a phone, I might make a choice and then find out that I would have preferred something else, or even worse, that I want something else and someone I know has it/got it/ decided "correctly" - you get the picture.  Yep, I think I am staring the root of my indecision in the face.  It's pretty ugly.  That 4 letter word that has been around since the garden of Eden: pride. 

Here I am, checking out my new toy, looking over at his new toy and wondering if it is going to turn out to be "better" than mine.  Is that pathetic or what!?!  It was seriously bugging me.  So much that I let him know I was irritated that he didn't just get us the same phone so I didn't have to deal with these feelings.  Good gravy, I'm not a baby.  This is, dare I say it, STUPID. 

So our phones are not the same.  His might have some stuff that is cooler than mine.   Does it matter?  I hope not.  It's a PHONE.  They both work for having conversations, which is why we have them.  Therefore, I am making a purposeful decision to like my phone.  It was the one I really wanted, which my man (who knows me rather well) could tell.  I just didn't want to commit.  So I'm gonna like it.  I'm not going to waste any time looking over at his to see if it is "better".  Who cares??  His doesn't even have the nifty tip calculator like mine does, anyway, lol.    Hmm, I guess that is still comparing.  I'm just not going to do it. 

I am sure most adults in the world are much more mature than I, and don't struggle with their flesh like I do.  That's OK, this is my journey.  I'm reminded yet again that no matter how much I stumble and am slow to learn, great is His faithfulness to carry on with a sinner like me.  God is still working on this lump of clay.

PS  (can you have a PS on a blog?)
It may have been a poor decision to write when I think I am succumbing to a bug.  I'm pretty sure I have a fever.  It may have affected my judgement in being so candid.  If so, and this has been a shocking revelation, I can only say I am what I am.  I'm thankful my friends already know what a goof I am, and love me anyway.