My First Ever Blog Post!

Somehow this whole thing feels more "real" now that I've taken an official first step.  I must admit, part of me thinks it would have been a better idea to just get on with it in private, and not let anyone know what I was up to.  The other part of me knows better, I would have probably just given up before I started!  Well, what's done is done, so I am determined to press on and get the most from this experience.  I'm very excited!

I suppose it might seem strange that a person could arrive at the ripe old age of 42 and find herself confused about her own likes and dislikes.  I have a pretty good handle on the major "labels" that define me.  I have chosen to be a Christ-follower, I am a wife, the mother of 8 children, the mother-in-law of 1, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister.  I am happy to be a children's choir leader, a home educator's ministry leader, and in September I will again be a Bible study facilitator.  Each of those roles is wonderful, challenging, and I am glad for the opportunity each provides.

My real searching involves the "little" things - that don't seem so little.   To tell you the truth, I think I have been suffering from boredom.  Yes, I am busy.  Many days I think I am too busy, dealing with the urgent and neglecting the important.  You can be busy, and bored.  You can be in a house with 8 other people, and be lonely.  At least I can!  I had already been pondering this issue of boredom when I recently heard an idea that resonated in my spirit - what if mid-life crisis was REALLY mid-life boredom?  As I was still digesting that thought, someone else mentioned this idea of being bored in the context of moving out to do what God calls you to do.   I believe that over the past years, I have developed a habit of letting the "business" and "busy-ness" of my life take over, and I have not been open to trying new things.  I have not been open to doing "old" things I used to enjoy.   If the Lord wanted to me into a "new" area, I think He would have had to literally reach down and pick me up and move me.

As a result, I have become a person seemingly incapable of making a simple decision.  Where do I want to go to dinner?  What would I like to do this evening?  You think of the question, I can provide the "I don't know".  I can also provide a giant list of pros and cons for each side of the simplest question.  This is NOT living.  Where is the fun in analizing each moment to death?  In fact, fun of any kind has been absent from my life for quite some time, and I'm realizing it is because I have not intentionally made sure to include it.

So here I am, standing at the beginning of a purposeful journey.  I am determined to find out what I like, and what I don't.  I am going to spend the next 9 months trying new things, re-trying old things, being open to possibilities, and discovering who I really am.  Lest alarm bells are going off in your mind, I do not mean I am going to go crazy and throw my morals to the wind, nor am I in any way re-considering my faith in Jesus Christ.   I am talking about things people do as hobbies, primarily for simple enjoyment, although some do turn into lifelong passions and careers.  I am going to make decisions - and stick with them!  The sky won't fall.  I might find out I don't really like shooting, or riding a motorcycle all by myself, or hmm, any number of other things.  I might just find out I LOVE scrapbooking or flying, but I'm not counting on it.  I'm just deciding to be open to the possiblity...